Monday, August 31, 2009

I need to be less scared

Before I get into regular posting, I just wanted to say that work stuff has calmed down quite a bit and thank you guys for your supportive words. The weight loss blogosphere really is filled with such wonderful people, and I greatly appreciated your thoughts and sympathy last week.

Anyway, let's get down to business:

Weight: 252.6

Yesterday I weighed in at 251.7, so in many ways 252.6 isn't the best number that ever was numbered. But I don't mind.

I'm still sort of in shock at how low the numbers are. I don't really think of myself as weighing in the 250s. And the craziest part is that in the not too distant future, I'm going to be in the 240s. I'm still sort of amazed that I am doing this and that this is going.

I've noticed myself slacking a bit of late, though. I think part of it, honestly, is the starting tomorrow GAG challenge. While I obviously don't want to ruin my streak by having a week to week gain or holding steady, I don't want my lowest ever weigh in to be tomorrow per se.

I actually read a paper about this one time: one of the effects of weight loss competitions (things like office competitions and the Biggest Loser, etc) is that people tend to gain weight right before the competition starts. They do so both because they're about to experience a period of relative deprivation, but also because it increases their competitive advantage. While I'm not doing that, I'm definitely not planning to avoid sodium like I generally do the night before my weekly weigh in.

I'm a little on pins and needles about one part of the GAG competition though: the need to post a picture. While I know I said last week that I was fine with it, I've started to become really self conscious about the idea. After all, I did take some before pictures early on for this blog, only to decide to not post them in my abject horror about just how wretched I looked. I do know I look better than I used to. I wore particularly tight clothes in the before picture with the idea that I could use them again in future sets and see the progression from "ridiculously tight" to "about right" to "way too loose."

Logically, I don't know why I'm so afraid of posting a few progress pictures. It's not like you guys don't know I'm fat. It's not like you're going to say, "Oh, her tummy's too big, I don't want to read her blog any more." And yet . . .

I really need to stop being so afraid. I need to suck it up, accept that I need to post a picture for the GAG challenge, and just go ahead and do it tomorrow. Yes, my body is still a horrific mess, but that's okay. It's not about what I look like now, it's where I'm going.

Also, I seem to have inadvertently crossed the 25 pounds gone mark since I last wrote, so there's a small (and happy) bit of victory.


  1. I'm glad everything was okay at work. As far as the challenge picture goes, if you really are uncomfortable posting a picture, then I'd say don't. I think that you have to listen to that inner voice, and be aware of what it is telling you. I can hear in your post that you aren't sure that's what you want to do!!

    But I bet the picture won't be as bad as your are thinking it is!!!

    I think you are right about people slacking off before a challenge. I also see that happening when people have lost a substantial amount of weight. Complacency sets in sometimes and the weight gain slows.

  2. You don't need to come to grips with being in the 250's. You're not gonna be there much longer...

    Keep on keeping on.

  3. Hi!
    Yesterday I was considering also to join the GAG challenge and when I read the 'rules' I freaked out about the same thing as you. Scale photo, why not, but full body photo?! The funny thing is just like you I cannot really tell why it freaked me out so much.

    But I can tell you, that I made a couple before photos two weeks ago and the outcome wasn't as bad as I had expected. Don't worry about that. Though, I didn't post them because I felt self conscious. I was about to give in when unfortunately my hard drive died last week, so all my photos are gone. :(

    But you should decide what doesn't make you feel uncomfortable. Best of luck!

  4. Good luck in your challenge. I understand not wanting to post a full body photo..I'm the same way!

  5. You should just do it! It's just a way of saying "hey this is me today" and the best is yet to come.

  6. The photo will be great! And what's even greater is that you (and us) will be able to see how much you've changed over the 16 weeks. Aren't you looking forward to that?!?

    I must admit that I'm guilty of the pre-challenge binge. 95% due to the fact that I will not be eating crap in the next few months and 5% due to the competitive advantage I may have. Oh yeah and maybe a little bit due to the fact that my TOM is this week. :-) Oh well!

  7. Do what works best for you. I was hesitant at first when posting pics but as Laurie said it will be good to look back at your progress.

  8. Congrats on that 25-milestone! WOO HOO

    I did a summer challenge, and I will never do one again. It stressed me--I think it's challenge enough just to be on the journey. It was in the back of my mind all summer: Will I lose 15 pounds? I did, but never again. I wish you well on the GAG challenge.

    As for pictures--you have to do what makes you feel comfortable. I started out with the circles over my face. I removed them. Then I posted that God-awful photo that is the worst picture I have ever had is what it is. Once you post your picture, you're forever "out." I really struggled with my decision, but in the end, I did it to push myself.

    I don't think anyone in this community will judge or think badly at all. I think most of us have been there and completely understand.

    It is your choice, though, and you need to do what feels right to you.

  9. Congrats on the 25 pound mark! This journey is not just about weight loss, but also personal growth... you will do what is right for you.

  10. Let me tell you, it may be hard to post the initial pic, but when you post a progress pic and people rave and rave, you'll ride that all week. :-)