I took a walk today during my lunch hour. I used to do it almost every day back when I was blogging and genuinely focused on trying to lose weight. As I was out there in the not too terribly cold fresh air, I knew what I needed to do. I've known what I've needed to do for a while now. I'd just been too terribly scared to do it.
I needed to come back.
Slightly before Thanksgiving, I made a few food mistakes. At home for the holidays and my birthday, I made more. And between the icky gains on my scale and the fact that I just couldn't really control myself around food, I became too afraid to come back and own up to my failures. Not coming back immediately was a mistake.
While I was away, for most of the time, I kept yearning and thinking about going back. I silently visited some of the blogs of people I just couldn't let go of—Katie J., Jo, Monica, the kittehs, Actual Scale, Learning to Be Less, and 266, just to name a few—but avoided my own like it was toxic. I winced every time I typed anything starting with an "H" into my browser.
From November to late December, my weight hovered in between about 238 (what it initially jumped up to) and 240. I kept going to the gym, but not with the regularity I had been. I kept hoping that on my own I would find the strength to get the numbers lower, that I'd be able to come back here and post some number, any number that was lower than the 235.5 I left. As late as the beginning of January, I had a weigh in at 237.7.
And then there was the rest of January.
My weight this morning was 244.5.
These past three weeks have been entirely and ridiculously out of control. And it stops now.
I'm heading home from work in just a few minutes. I'm going to go home, change, and head right off to the gym. When I come back, I'll toss out what junk food I've accumulated these last few weeks, make myself a healthy dinner, and come say my hellos in blog land.
I've missed you guys, and I've missed making progress. It's time to get this weight loss show back on the road.
Procrastination
1 month ago
Oh Hadley! First, it's SOOOOOOO good to have you back! We've missed you so much! Second...we can relate to what you are going through, and we are in the same boat. The blogosphere is a great place to find support and understanding. I blogged today for the first time in FOREVER! Sometimes, it's just so hard to put it out there! Welcome back...we are here for you and we wish you the best of luck! :)
ReplyDeleteI screamed when I saw you posted! I usually delete blogs after there hasnt been a post in over a month but I just COULD NOT erase yours! And I knew youd be back! Oh and also, Ive been channeling you all week! What a treat that you are back! I have SOO missed you!
ReplyDeleteI understand all of the emotions that come with gaining back some or all of the weight. Its ok and like Orange Kitteh said, this is the place to find the support for such mishaps!
And 244 is not 250! Its totally doable! And at least you came back in January and NOT May!
Im just so grateful youre back, Hadley, I truly, madly, deeply am!!
I totally missed you too! You are one of my favorite blogs/bloggers! Glad to hear you are accepting the circumstances and starting afresh today! Congrats on making that decision, everything from here will be downhill! :) Glad to see you pop up in my google reader this afternoon!
ReplyDeleteYay! I'm glad you're back!! I hope you keep posting no matter what's going on because I want to hear about it and try to offer support...or at least commiseration. :-) I was really happy to see your blog pop up in my reader.
ReplyDeletewelcome back girl. we're here with an open ear and open arms.
ReplyDeleteWhat a pleasant surprise! I was culling inactive blogs and yours' was one I was sorry to see drop off the radar. I had hoped you just got too busy in other aspects of your busy, busy life, but I know how this thing goes.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back!
Great to see you back!! Never be afraid to post because that's when we can help the most :)
ReplyDelete"hugs" you just made my day!!
Hooray! You are BACK!!! I really missed you!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd if it's any consolation, I FEEL your pain. I have so been there! Please remember that we're all here for you!
hugs-
Amy
Hi, I guess I picked a great day to visit for the first time. You sound like you are going to make some really positive changes. I applaud your decision to toss out the junk in the pantry. I'm a huge believer in not keeping it in the house. It is such a temptation, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteBest of luck, I look forward to following your progress.
Im still so excited that youre back! Had to comment again, sorry!
ReplyDeleteHoly cow!! I just had to do a double-take when I saw you updated. THANK GOD YOU ARE BACK!!! I have missed you and your snarkiness. I am glad you kept going to the gym. Your gain could have been so much worse. At least you are stopping it now before it gets too out of control.
ReplyDeleteDid I say I am glad you are back? Cause I am. And to think I was going to go to bed with out checking any blogs.
With you coming back, I feel like I just got a present. Please postly regularly just because I enjoy you.
By the way - we all ate some crap, we all gained weight, we are all working from the same point you are, we just blogged about it a little sooner, that is all. You are in good company.
WELCOME BACK BUDDY!!!!
Hadley, you don't know how much I have missed you! I try not to have favorite bloggers, because I enjoy all the blogs I read, but you are a favorite of mine! You have made me feel a million times better.
ReplyDeleteI wish you would have reached out--even privately. It's hard, it's a tough road, and it makes me sad you were struggling.
If you need anything, let me know. You've got my 100% support.
(((hugs)))
So GLAD you're back! And if you're struggling, email me. My addy is on the bottom of my blog.
THERE is my favorite economist. I knew you'd be back. I knew it. Yay!
ReplyDeleteSue
I'm glad you are back too! I was psyched to see your blog pop up as having a comment! Time to move forward!
ReplyDeleteGood for you! I am so happy to see that you are back! I have missed you oh so much! I have been on the same road as you these past few days. Life is hard at the moment but as long as we come back and never give up we will make it!
ReplyDeleteI am new to your blog,
ReplyDeleteGlad to see that your 'back' and ready to go. I'll be reading.
I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK!!! YAY! Seriously, I was SO enormously sad when you weren't posting anymore! Way to take hold of the reins again, girl! Welcome back!!!
ReplyDeleteYAY.
ReplyDeletewelcome back on the wagon.
Ive saved you a seat up front near me :)
xo xo,
MizFit
You have done so well up to this point, just get back on track and keep going! Congrats on all the hard work you've done up to this point!
ReplyDeleteI've just recently come back as well (and by came back I mean to the weight loss no more eating crap all the time train) :)
ReplyDeleteOf course I didn't use my old blog. I couldn't bring myself to do it.... so I started a new one. Kind of weak, I know.
Props to you for coming back - the support that you receive on here will be well worth the courage it took to come back :)
I look forward to reading more from you!
Previously Plump... in progress
www.previouslyplump.blogspot.com
glad to see you back at it =]
ReplyDeleteWoohoo, you're back!! I was a new reader the last time you blogged and I would always pass you in my reader and think 'Where did she go?'! I am so glad you are back :)
ReplyDeleteWelcome back!
ReplyDeleteHadley I am so glad you are back.....so so glad! I have been wondering if you were doing okay. I am proud of you that you are back on track!
ReplyDeleteI am so thrilled that you are back!! I've missed you. :)
ReplyDelete