Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Work out joy and a changing equation

Weight: 240.5

I had a fabulous workout yesterday. I went to the gym pretty much straight after work, and did 45 minutes on the elliptical. But it wasn't your run of the mill "chug along on the elliptical." It was me, giving everything I had and going faster and harder than I thought I could. It was the sort of workout I hadn't had in a while, and it felt great. I'm so glad I'm working out regularly again, and I haven't stopped beaming since I left the gym last night.

Despite yesterday's slight melancholy and yearning over a past I couldn't change, I do think on the whole I'm quite a bit happier when I'm on track and losing weight. A feeling of joy just started on Thursday, shortly after I returned to blogland and the world of the on-track, and it by and large hasn't subsided.

I've spoken in the past about what we're really saying when we embark on a diet/lifestyle change/weight loss effort/whatever you want to call it:

What "I'm on a diet" says, essentially, is "I was wrong." It says somehow, along the way, I messed up. Maybe I thought I enjoyed food more than the idea of being thin, maybe I was stressed and let impulse get the better of me, maybe I was just plain lazy, but what I did, was wrong. Being fat was a wrong choice. I messed up. And right now, I'm fixing my error.

(Side note: reading that post back I think it may be the best post I've written here. In general I'm not wild about my writing, but I do from time to time write things that I think are good, and that post is definitely one I like. Best or not, it's certainly one of my favorites.)

And I think what I said there is true. It does say that. But it also says something else.

The flip side of what "I'm on a diet" says is "I'm worth investing in." Yes, mistakes were made, but I'm worthwhile, I'm worth changing. That there's value in me, and that I'm worth protecting and taking care of. It's saying my future and my health are worth whatever pains I must endure along the way. It's not just saying the short term suffering is worth the long term rewards, it's saying I am worth far more than cramps or hunger pains or delicious delicious cheesecake.

I'm going to talk about this more tomorrow: there's a lot to be said here, about faith in yourself, about marginal costs, and about what side of the equation flips for the "I'm worth dieting" vs. "no, I'd really just have the pizza."

In the mean time, though, as my head churns the analysis and philosophy of it all, I'm still smiling. I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to be exercising. I'm happy to be eating healthy. And I'm happy that it's the season where the grocery store sells huuuuuge strawberries that I just absolutely love.

For the comments: what's one thing you're happy about today?


  1. im just having a great day in general today
    sounds like you are too your doing an amazing job

  2. That previous post helped changed my thoughts Hadley! For months now I have thought about the fact that I messed up and now I'm fixing it. I'm grateful for you for that! It has helped me every time I have a slip. I'm glad you are back!

  3. (: i like this idea a lot too!
    today i'm happy that i have the opportunity to sit in on a class of 4th graders everyday for an hour.. b/c fat or not.. they like me.. so i should like me too <3

  4. We are so happy to have you back!

    Your workout sounded wonderful. I made myself run on the treadmill last night. First time in a long time!!! I too felt better having done that and actually look forward to running further tonight!

  5. I am happy to be at my lowest weight in recorded history!!!!

  6. I'm happy that I got to spend the afternoon playing Operation with my little girl

  7. Okay, this will sound corny, but I am genuinely happy that you are happy! It's so great to have you back, Hadley!

  8. I love the sense of achievement that going that bit futher in the gym gives you.

  9. I'm so happy that my family was all together for dinner! To see all their little faces is such a blessing!

  10. I'm glad your enjoying the gym.

    I'm happy today because I'm healthier & i decided to remove a person from my life who hasnt appreciated how AWESOME I am.

  11. Im happy that youre back! And that I may be coming into some money again and that my boyfriend and I had a great weekend and that I have the movie Annie on DVD(hehe) and Im happy that Im not bingeing as much anymore!

    Also-you can have pizza and still diet...you just cant have 5 slices(which is sooooo hard!) Cant wait to read your post tomorrow!

  12. Hadley, I am happy to see you are back posting and back on track!

  13. I love this post. It's so inspirational! I am happy today that everything is ok with my husband after spending a few hours in the ER! :)

  14. I love reading your posts! And today? Hmmm ... I'm just happy. About everything. And grateful!

  15. I like how you were describing the delicious, delicious cheesecake...

    What a good way to look at it that we are worth investing in and taking care of.

    Naps make me happy. I try to take one every day and I look forward to them.

  16. What a great post! There's always two ways to look at something, and we always have the option to make the right choice.
    I'm happy that I continue to fight this fight today. I'm happy that I love myself enough to start over today, to try to eat well and to get healthy. I'm happy that I haven't given up on myself.

  17. Hadley, I just really enjoy your posts! Welcome back and keep at it. I myself am happy that I made a decision to start again, after being on a lengthy hiatus. Here's to a happy and healthier 2010!

  18. really love your post, so much to think on. What I'm really happy about today is that I completed my swim challenge. I swam 35km during January which is the same as swimming "The English Channel" Take care