Feeling All Kinds of Icky

Blah.

Weigh in for yesterday, 7/20:
Weight: 267.2
BMI: 45.86

Weigh in for today:
Weight: 268.0
BMI: 46.00

Well, I just feel all kinds of gross.

I haven't gone off track in terms of food: 1200 calories/day. I've been doing a solid job with exercise, too. I did 30 minutes of elliptical on Saturday, 35 on Sunday, and a full 45 yesterday/Monday. And yet, the scale goes up up up. By 1.2 pounds in the past two days.

Normally, I would have to tell myself that it's all right and these things happen and that if I stick with the program the pounds will eventually come off. I try to just find the motivation, constantly reminding myself of that one thought.

Now?

I know it's true. I know the weight will come off eventually if I keep down the right path. But I don't need to tell myself it for motivation. I'm not scared any more. I know I can do this. I had my parents here this past weekend. We went out to eat. They bought me ridiculously fatty things. Delicious and amazing leftovers and treats got put in my fridge. And it didn't shake me one bit.

I want this. I want it badly. More than I've wanted anything in a long, long while. Two days ago, every inch of me hurt, and I dragged myself to the gym anyway and spent 5 more minutes working out than I had the day before. Yesterday, I felt incredibly, amazingly sore, and guess how I responded? By getting up and going to the gym, working out 10 minutes more than the last time, and going even faster than I had. I'm sore and in pain and pretty darn hungry, but it's okay.

I can do this. I want to do this. And I will do this.

The scale will come along eventually. In the mean time, I'm going to go kick ass.